Saturday, June 13, 2009

Little Johnny and the Lock Out


Rain, cold and a 1/2 hour traffic delay was our introduction to Yellowstone. At the entrance to the park we were handed a pile of reading material and our first look at Yellowstone's sick sense of humor. Or perhaps it is Yellowstone's compete lack of humor about body maiming that does not let them see the ridiculousness of their warnings. A picture will be included in this post because I'm not sure that I can do it justice, however, I will try. Little...let's cal him Johnny comes with his family to Yellowstone. Bright eyed and fancy free with his camera around his neck and a ball cap placed jauntily on his head, Little Johnny is so excited to see his first buffalo. He inches closer and closer. All he wants is to get the perfect picture to take home to his boy scout troop. Next thing he knows, Little Johnny is being gored by a bison. In steps Yellowstone who decides that htis is the perfect opportunity to teach other Little Johnnys a lesson with what I can only imagine is a caricature artist standing around for just such hilarious and horrific events. Yellowstone now hands out a bright orange flyer with Little Johnny flung into the air, limbs flailing, hat now not so jauntily suspended in the air next to him and the camera separated from his neck. Behind Little Johnny stands the enormous bison with its sharp horns (clearly what has flung L.J. into the air) ready to rip him apart. So be warned park goers, if the bison would gore Little Johnny they certainly won't spare you.

Ok I digress, but just as an added note, poor Little Johnny also learned a lesson when he stepped on a Geyser and was scorched as his mother looked on horrified. That darn caricature artist was clearly there again and the result is now posted at the entrance of all geysers.

Back to us, we easily found our campsite and were warned about the danger of bears that were spotted at the campsite, the previous night (corroborated by the scat we found near the camp bathroom). The rain let up just long enough for us to set up our tent; however, sadly we had to cook in the the rain. A delicious, though slightly smoky sausage and mushroom pasta was produced. Ok 7:30, it was time for bed. We stepped into the slightly soggy tent and stripped ourselves of our food smelling clothes (to be consumed by a bear in the night b/c it mistook you for a giant portabello, chicken sausage would be a tragic demise). The clothes were stored in the car, the car was locked and we wiggled into the warmth of our sleeping bags. At some point between me pretending to be birthed by my sleeping bag and a convo about unbloggable things (the exact point is yet to be remembered) we realized that both sets of keys were snuggling up to bed in the warmth of The Blue Avenger. I found this hilarious, Rachel found it less than hilarious and Isabelle kept her cool. AAA to the rescue... if only we got cell service. OK fine we'll drive back to the entrance of the campsite to the payphone...oh right we can't get in the car, that's the problem. So Rachel and I began the long trek as Isabelle stayed on bear alert in the tent. Luckily we found a friendly ranger who was able to call a friendly ranger mechanic to unlock our car for a small friendly fee. Success!!

We turn in for the night only every rustle is clearly a bear creeping up to our tent and I lay tense in my my sleeping bag, hoping Isabelle has her poking fingers ready. I would just like to note here that while Isabelle shows an appropriate fear of bears, Rachel shows an unhealthy lack of fear of bears, though she does now wear a car key around her neck at all times. Needless to say we survived the night and thwarted a bear attack...for now.

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